1) “that’s the plain and simple truth”: Well, case closed, then! I guess no argument or difference of opinion is possible!

2) “Even if we say that genuine metabolic malfunction accounts for 25% of the cases of obesity, which is, I think, an overestimation,”: a) you have no way of knowing this, and b) to my mind it’s not “metabolic malfunction” that causes some people to be larger, it’s mostly genetics. Some people are genetically predisposed to be fat, and now that we have abundant food and mostly don’t work backbreaking physical jobs, that predisposition is coming out. Being the size you are genetically inclined to be does not necessarily have negative health implications. I agree with you that if a person really has gotten very, very fat–above their setpoint range–entirely by virtue of eating inordinate amounts of processed, unhealthy foods, then that probably has health implications. But it’s much less clear-cut in the case of a person who eats normally but simply has a fat setpoint.

3) “whether it’s ignorance of proper diet, or lack of motivation to take better care of the body, or a symptom of an underlying emotional distress that causes obesity-encouraging behavior.” As to the first point, I’m sure it feels good to believe that everyone but you is simply too stupid to understand that they can’t shovel in Big Macs and remain thin, but trust me when I say you can’t come up in this society–especially as a woman–without knowing calorie counts, how much exercise you’re “supposed” to get, etc. etc. And I see just as many thin people in McDonald’s as fat people, incidentally. As to the third, read Rethinking Thin by Gina Kolata; emotional eating has not been found to be a major cause of obesity.

4) “I can’t imagine any reasonable person disagreeing with this … but I think there’s a desire to see me as prejudiced or stupid because I’m not a woman. I have to wonder why reverse sexism is acceptable … but that’s a different issue, I suppose.” Stupid silly women! So UNREASONABLE! They must just hate men! Look, whether or not you can imagine someone disagreeing with you, a lot of fat folks would take issue with the idea that weight loss is “natural” or reasonable for them. I have heard stories more times than I can count about women who couldn’t maintain a BMI-”normal” weight without eating less than 1000 calories a day, or developing an eating disorder, or exercising compulsively. Technically these women can become not-overweight (and there are also those who stay fat despite this kind of grueling regimen), but the measures required are unreasonable and unhealthy. Like you have no energy, you don’t eat enough calories to take in the nutrition you need, your hair falls out, etc. I know this can be hard to swallow. I happen to be a person whose weight is fairly mutable; I gain and lose pretty easily. But spend some time around here and you will gradually come to see that this is both true, and not just an isolated phenomenon.

5) “I doubt anyone here will consider my point fairly, for the simple reason that I’m a guy.” This again. Please shove this crap because it’s ridiculous and a dishonest way of participating in a debate.

6) “But here’s the thing … yes, a lot of men (I’m not one of them) want to be with a woman who is thin or fit, or whatever. A lot of women want to be with a man who is tall. Both sexes complain about this unreasonable standard.” To start with, let me say WHAT A SHOCKER that the guy who was simply concerned about people’s health to start with apparently also has a pretty strong need for a mate to be thin. I’m sure those things are totally unconnected, though.

Anyway, who here complained about “this unreasonable standard”? (Rejections of unreasonable societal beauty standards–and pointing out that they lead to excessive dieting, thin obsession, eating disorders, and the like–have nothing to do with individual preferences in a mate.) For some reason, this point always comes up when people show up to fat-bash. The old “I hate to break it to you, but men are naturally going to think you’re ugly! It’s just BIOLOGY!” when nobody in the room said a word about it being somehow “unfair” that many men don’t find us attractive. (Hey, in my case, my husband finds me plenty attractive, and that’s good enough for me. But even so, that is so not the point.)

Here’s a summary of what I see as most FA people’s view of this topic: First and foremost, “attractiveness” is not relevant to most political discussions of fat or of loving yourself regardless of weight. If you are considering bringing it up, ask yourself whether anyone else involved in the discussion has done so, and then ask yourself why you feel compelled to express outrage or condescencion about women daring to be unattractive to you even though it’s off-topic. I am more as a human being than the sum of how attractive I am to random men on the street, and if I’m mentally and physically healthy but you don’t want to have sex with me, vs. being tired, unhealthy, and obsessed but thin enough to be acceptable to you, I think I’ll still go with option A.

Second, people are attracted to different body types (and at this moment in history, men do indeed tend to prefer women who are thinner than me) and that’s OK; we’re not out to “force” anyone to find a particular body shape attractive. Again, I don’t remember women here complaining about how unfair it is that nobody will date them and how men should be forced to think fat women are cute.

Third, although this is again beside the point: I don’t want to sleep with someone who thinks I’m repulsive, so if you think fat is unattractive, I suggest you refrain from dating me.

Look, if I sound impatient it’s just because frankly, we (I’m not implicating the site owners here, just “we” as in the fat acceptance movement) have heard every one of your arguments a million times, and they just don’t gibe with the experience of all of the real-life living breathing fat people who post to sites like this. Have you read these two posts? They might be a good starting point to help you to understand why some people find comments like yours frustrating (and by the way, it’s not because you’re a man).

“…social and personal stigma associated with the delayed-gratification process of losing weight…”

What do you mean? People are usually rewarded, not stigmatized, for trying to diet and exercise and lose weight…

If I could go to a salon and walk out with a thinner body like going for a set of acrylic nails, I’m sure I would have done it by now, and damn the maintenance. But there are so many intertwined social and personal stigma associated with the delayed-gratification process of losing weight, that it is definitely a horse of a different color.

I couldn’t resist pointing out a correction, though, to Hope505’s comment quoting Fez from That 70’s Show…
“Good day! I said good day!” is totally a quote from Gene Wilder in the original Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Apparently the writers of 70’s Show found it as memorable and funny as I do.

… wonder if anyone will read this comment because of how old the post is…

It’s so hard, but we all have to learn how to tune out comments that people make about our weight, unless those things are truly out of concern for our well-being. I am sorry that your mom was actually congratulating you on my weight loss.

On the other end of the scale, my mom is always telling me I need to eat more; I think she would prefer me to be a little plumper. But I feel healthier than I ever have in my life! To be honest, her comments about my body make me anxious too.

We have to listen to ourselves and our bodies no matter what.

Last fall, I was also going through a difficult time emotionally and lost a lot of weight. On one hand, I liked how skinny I had gotten because “skinny is in”. On the other hand, I could tell how tired and depressed I felt, and how detached I had become felt from the world. Deep down inside, I knew that I was actually sick and that I hadn’t achieved anything.

Thanks so much for writing this post. It really resonated with me. =)