If you ever lose weight and find people saying “Wow you look great!” or “Wow, good job, I need to lose some too!” or “Oh my gosh, how much did you lose, how did you do it?”, you must immediately explain to them that weight loss isn’t the big accomplishment we make it out to be.
A few years ago, when I was going through a difficult time, I stopped eating for weeks and ended up losing tons of weight. I probably got to a size 4, which is the size I was in high school. My feelings of sadness had translated to my body, and it was clear that I wasn’t emotionally OK. What I saw in the mirror terrified me, because it wasn’t me at my natural self. However, during this time, when my mom saw me she would exclaim, “Oh you’ve lost weight! You look so good!” The fact of the matter was, I was sick and not eating…but she didn’t care because the pounds were flying off!
My story is just one isolated incident of weight loss being taken as an accomplishment instead of what it is- your body’s reaction to either an illness or personal change in behavior. (In my case, it was not eating, but this may not be the case for everyone since all of our bodies are different). This got me thinking about how much we idolize the ability and the goal of weight loss. To show you just how silly it is to act as though weight loss is a celebratory accomplishment, I will pretend that we can change another part of the ourselves other than body weight…
“Oh wow, you’ve gotten really tall! How did you do it?” Oh my gosh, you look great! I love how tall you’ve gotten!, “Wow I’m so jealous, I wish I was tall like you!” It just sounds silly, because the truth is, we accept women at all heights, we accept women with short hair or long hair, dark skin or light skin, big noses or little noses. These different attributes are what make us, as women, uniquely and undeniably beautiful. So why can’t we just look at weight as another attribute that makes us all different? Why should we all try to aim to be the same weight?
Now if the media decided that we should all be tall, with short hair, a big nose and light skin we would all scoff in their faces because: 1) it isn’t possible for every woman to achieve (just like an “ideal weight” isn’t possible for all women to achieve) and 2) not all of us define beauty in those specific terms.
So, next time someone tells you that you should be a certain weight or look this way, or makes a big deal about losing an X amount of weight, remind them that just being happy with who you are is the real accomplishment- not weight loss.
But the media do define ‘beauty’ as tall, thin, light skin, long hair, small nose, full lips, no freckles, large eyes, never sweating, never panting, never red from exertion or heat, tanned but not burned, etc, etc, ad nauseum.
And we don’t laugh in their faces – we diet, we get our hair styled, we ‘dress right’, we wear makeup, we get fake tans.
Being happy with who you are is an enormous accomplishment, because no real person fits the media ideal. And because it’s not just a media ideal. We’ve learned to believe it, and be ashamed when we don’t meet it – and we’ll never meet it.
So true. Every time I see my mother-in-law, she says, “Wow. You look like you’ve lost weight.” Never fails. She says it every time I see her. The scale has not budged, not once. I find it all a bit funny. Btw, my sister-in-law is a size 2 beauty queen. She’s going to be in the Miss Mississippi pageant this weekend, she is constantly obsessing about food and exercise. She’s tiny, but she and my mother-in-law always qualify everything food/exercise related with “it’s for the pageant.” Those pageant girls are a species unto their own.
Oh my, that’s a comma splice. I meant to add an “and.” Oops!
“you must immediately explain to them that weight loss isn’t the big accomplishment we make it out to be.”
When I was in law school I developed an undiagnosed stomach problem that had me puking ANYTIME I consumed any type of food. In one month I lost over 25 pounds (from 200 pounds to 175 or so pounds). I looked really thin and lots of people commented on that, but I felt terrible.
I compare that with now. In the last year I’ve focused on getting healthy/fit (resistance training, yoga, healthy eating, etc.). I feel great and as a side benefit I’ve shed the 40 or so pounds that used to jiggle when I brushed my teeth.
Our goals should focus on mental and physical fitness. If you lose weight, so be it, but the more important thing is that you have more energy, feel more able to deal with life day-to-day, and that you can keep up with your kids (if you have any). 😉
…”But the media do define ‘beauty’ as tall, thin, light skin, long hair, small nose, full lips, no freckles, large eyes, never sweating, never panting, never red from exertion or heat, tanned but not burned, etc, etc, ad nauseum.
And we don’t laugh in their faces…”
Well guess what. You can start. Today, right now, laugh in their faces. YOU MATTER. YOU ARE EVERY WOMAN.
Froth, I dunno, your comment kinda makes me want to jump in front of a train.
“…no real person fits the media ideal. And because it’s not just a media ideal. We’ve learned to believe it, and be ashamed when we don’t meet it – and we’ll never meet it.”
Plenty of women meet it. Where do you think MODELS come from? *haha!* Movie stars anyone? They’re not so rare. And of course, most females under the age of 17 MORE than meet it!
Seriously…the “media” you talk about is feeding us crap, but you don’t have to take it hook, line and sinker! You like the taste of crap? Oh by all means have another serving. But the rest of us women out here aren’t the sheep you’re making us out to be. I mean, careful with that “we”, stranger! *haha!* There are a lot of women in the world who DON’T prefer the taste of crap and are working hard to inform others that what they’ve been swallowing lo these many years is, in fact, crap. Maybe under a candy coating sometimes, but c-r-a-p.
And…y’know…the diet industry is one thing, but getting a haircut or a mani & pedi isn’t selling out to th’MAN in quite the same way as going for lap-band surgery, IMO. Perhaps you, individually, have a very specific idea of what “beauty” includes (your description above) and feel pressure to conform to that….I don’t think you can say that about womankind as a whole. Puh-lenntyy of women have historically have either been willing or have had no choice but to re-define what beauty is, so, alls it takes is just thinking differently.
Since it is much harder to change one’s mind than to change one’s body, collectively, it isn’t happening overnight. But I need to believe that it IS happening.
I say that my body is a cherished thing. It deserves love. It deserves care. It deserves RESPECT.
I am starting off by saying this, because to me a celebration of dieting off weight is like saying “yay!! you finally outsmarted that stupid, gluttonous body of yours!! good smacking it into shape!” And THAT just ticks me off.
How dare the media or anyone else try to make me feel ashamed of this wonderful gift god, the universe, whatever has given to me.
How dare the media try to divorce me from my body… making my body this fickle thing that cannot be trusted and shouldn’t be listened to, because my body is just this greedy, stupid thing that doesn’t know what it really needs.
The media tries so hard to get us to focus on any imperfection… even the tiniest little things… like how they portray thin women as needing to go on diets.
I’d far rather focus on what is LOVELY about me. How about that? My body is amazing! It has survived eating disorders and years of abuse. After 15 yrs without picking up a basketball, my first shot was a swoosher! Yay me! I have a mean backfist punch and my eyes are green like the forests I grew up near and loved.
I’ve recently lost weight due to eating disorder Recovery (short story… I want from AN to BN to COE) and learning to cope in ways other than binging has lead to weight loss. My coworkers have commented on how great I look. They ask me how I did it. Mostly I roll my eyes and say that I ate exactly what I want, when I want… I do the whole intuitive eater thing.
And now I have recently started a medication that can cause weight gain. I could potentially gain weight. Ya know… so f*$@in’ what.
I love my body. If it wants to put on some pounds while I am going about the business of my life – so be it. Weight gain or loss has nothing to do with my sense of humor, intelligence and generally HOTNESS. 🙂
I trust you, body… I’m listening… lead the way. **heart**
(thanks for letting me rant a bit 😉 )
I’ve recently been horribly stressed and emotional and just a wreck, going through some crap. I discovered that I’d lost 15 pounds. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep. I still have trouble with both. When I’d talk to people they act like the weight loss is some shining beacon of hope… All I could think was, losing weight because all you can keep down is toast and applesauce is not a good thing… I’d rather be fat and happy than thin and miserable.
Last summer a series of surgeries (the last two in response to complications from the first one) required me to be on laxatives for five months. I lost a ton of weight because I was afraid to eat, and if I did it fled my body immediately.
My mother-in-law congratulated me on the weight loss and when I told her I didn’t feel very celebratory, instead I felt weak, sick and miserable, she said, “Well, it’s a base to build from!”
Ugh.
Perfect timing! I’m studying for the bar exam right now, and one of my classmates said “You look good! Have you lost weight?” I said “Not intentionally, between the stomach bug I had last week and the enormous pressure to learn everything I didn’t learn in law school… weight loss is not exactly a priority right now.” I would trade the 10 pounds I lost in the past few weeks for the care-free lifestyle I used to live! I’m just so fat that malnourished comes across as “lookin’ good!”
It’s “RELATIVE”
.wow. checking out some of these comments about what y’all’s family and in-laws say…what is the deal with our relatives?? *haha!* In the same vein:
My mother mentioned (before she died last year of lung cancer) that she’d like to try to stop smoking. In the spirit of support, after a month or so, I asked her,”How’s it going with the quitting smoking?” And quick-as-you-please, she shot back, “How’s it going with the weight loss?”
The only difference is…I hadn’t said I was trying to lose any weight…
* : (
Any loss of any weight was always seen as victorious, in her view. After being hospitalized for congestive heart failure, she was so happy when she told me, “I lost 25 pounds! 25 pounds in water weight!”…and I know she abused the diuretics they gave her after her release…
weight loss! at any cost! show that chub-chub YOU’RE the BOSS!
There is my dysfunctional unnecessary weight-loss cheer. huzzah.
Hmmmmm. I have kind of mixed feelings about this. Firstly, I do agree with you that weight loss isn’t something to be congratulated or celebrated, or indeed even mentioned, unless perhaps you know that the person has been deliberately trying to lose weight and could use some positive-feedback support.
I also agree that media standards of beauty are ridiculous.
What I don’t completely agree with is the idea that weight falls into the same category as height, skin color, or eye color. We have more immediate and direct control over what we weigh, and that’s the plain and simple truth. For the record, my mother, whom I love and respect, is at least 125 pounds overweight despite a moderate lifestyle, because her metabolism got shot to hell by birth control pills back before they figured out how to calibrate them correctly. And I have an aunt who had Cushing’s Disease … so I am aware that in some cases, there is a metabolic function disorder that causes body type to be inalterable, or alterable only with excessive measures. Even if we say that genuine metabolic malfunction accounts for 25% of the cases of obesity, which is, I think, an overestimation, that leaves 3 out of every 4 people potentially able to control their body weight through behavior.
We can’t change height or eye color or facial features simply through behavior. And it is perhaps fair to say that, media standards of beauty aside, one reason our current society reacts negatively to obesity is that it is often symptomatic of something else … whether it’s ignorance of proper diet, or lack of motivation to take better care of the body, or a symptom of an underlying emotional distress that causes obesity-encouraging behavior.
I believe that it’s possible to genuinely love the self and the body we’re in, with whatever shape and tendencies it has, but still realize that weight does have an impact on health. Perceptions of health and perceptions of beauty are often related, which may partly explain why people comment when other people lose weight.
Whenever someone asks me if i’ve lost weight, i’ve found the answer that makes them think most is a very non-committal shrug or silly comment.
“Have you lost weight?”
– Shrug: “Hmn. Maybe? I’m cool either way.”
– Silly: “Oh, i hope not – i don’t need my pants falling off!”
– Asshattish: “Only between my ears, whenever you speak.”
It also has the bonus of being not overly emotionally loaded on either side of the conversation, which is particularly handy when dealing with family members and/or coworkers.
Minor nitpick: “we accept women at all heights, we accept women with short hair or long hair, dark skin or light skin, big noses or little noses.”
I’ve got female friends who would seriously disagree with that statement, on several points. A good female friend of mine in college (who was 6’0″) certainly had her fair share of mean jokes, cruel comments, and the like. Ditto that for another female friend of mine who’s 5’2″.
As a woman who prefers little to no hair on her scalp, i can assure you i’ve gotten my fair share of comments about it – some positive some not. The first time i buzzed off all my hair? I had people who KNEW me asking me if i’d become a neo-nazi.
As far as skin color and nose size go? I can’t speak on the former, and all i can say on the latter is that i’ve known several women whose graduation presents (be it from high school or college) from their parents involved a nose job.
My personal experience inclines me to say that, no, i don’t think we accept women at all colors, shapes and sizes.
^^^LOL hope505 you crack me up!!!!
Hope505 – that was a rhetorical ‘we’, and there’s no need to be personally insulting. I think I’m gorgeous – I also know that I don’t and never will meet the criteria I listed, and that’s okay. I don’t have to. Nobody has to. But plenty of people feel as if they had to. You don’t – that’s great.
I was trying to point out that the media ideal is stupid, and that it includes a lot more than weight. I apologise if I made the point badly, but there was no need to be rude.
The only time i compliment people on their weight loss is because i know they had certain goals to lose a certain amount of weight. I consider than an accomplishment because to set a goal and stick to it requires determination and discipline. So its not to say they look good or bad, its to recognize their discipline. I have never stepped foot into a gym because i simply “didnt need to” cuz i “looked” ok according to society’s standards for thin. I recently began working out (in my own home, still need to get to the gym) because i realized that its not always about a weight thing, but about the fact that being disciplined with my body, has helped me become more disciplined with other areas of my life. I dont expect my body to be what it once was, but i at least want to take care of myself more. It doesnt bother me when people say i have gained or lost weight though. Just the other day my little brother told me that i needed to work out cuz i got fat. I went from 118 lbs to 135 lbs. in two years. Yes i gained weight, but i feel like i look a lot “healthier” than before. Coworkers tell me i have gained weight. I love how people comment on my weight gain and always follow up with “but u look good.” hahaha. whats that supposed to mean anyway? anyway, tiffabee, u girls are amazing and i’m soo glad that so many people are being reached through this blog. i love how a few of the comments are from people who have learned to love themselves. whether its losing weight to feel better (not to be thin, but to actually feel more disciplined and energized) or gaining weight after years of eating disorders, i think both are equal accomplishments and i think both should be acknowledged.
as noodles would say “just a cheeseburger for your thoughts”
“We can’t change height or eye color or facial features simply through behavior.”
Actually, you can. I can change my eye color with colored contacts. I can change my hair color at the salon. When I do go from brown to red, most people think it is totally natural.
I’ve also read about a surgical procedure some Asian women go through in order to be taller. It was a frightening read.
My being fat has NOTHING to do with a “behavior.” I don’t act any differently than “normal” people do, even in regards to eating habits and exercise. Having fat on a body is not a “behavior.” It’s something we’re born with. Some people have more than others. Big deal.
Well said post.
@Blinks “”””its to recognize their discipline “” I really loved that..whole Idea is true.
…We can’t change height or eye color or facial features simply through behavior.
Oh davidrochester, well maybe over there on Planet Man, it hasn’t occurred to you to get colored contact lenses, a cut and color, or some plastic surgery, but we ladies are faced with those important appearance-enhancing choices every day, yo.
Even surgery for asians (and others too, I’m sure, but the surgery is popular in Japan) that will gain an inch or two in height for you….of course it involves breaking and re-setting the shin bones with metal rod extenders inserted.
I read that in a fashion magazine though, so who knows if it’s still popular.
Just sayin’.
& sorry about those italics, Frothy. You were a lot more succint that second time around.
O yes, I “feel as if I had to” Meet the Criteria for my fair share of time, believe it.
Now if I said to you, Meet THIS Criteria, biattcchh! you might have considered it rude, but as it stands, I feel that you just aren’t used to being confronted and so felt more at ease hinting that I might have been rude.
Have a swell day!
Hope and Sarah — I do hate to seem confrontational, but coloring the hair, wearing colored contacts, or getting surgery are not behaviors; they are changes that cost money, and that involve procedures you can’t do yourself (yes, I know you can color your hair at home, but you still have to buy the supplies somewhere).
Diet and exercise are behavior related; buying and wearing colored contacts is not a behavior, nor is coloring your hair. Cosmetic surgery is not a daily-habit choice. If you spend all day in the sun, and your hair changes color because of that, then that’s something of a behavior choice.
My only point is that weight is in a different category than the other things mentioned. I doubt anyone here will consider my point fairly, for the simple reason that I’m a guy.
But here’s the thing … yes, a lot of men (I’m not one of them) want to be with a woman who is thin or fit, or whatever. A lot of women want to be with a man who is tall. Both sexes complain about this unreasonable standard. Other than wearing lifts or undergoing some kind of experimental major surgery, someone who is short can’t be taller. But someone who is uncomfortable with his or her weight does probably have control over that, without major surgery. They’re not the same thing.
And Sarah … nowhere in my comment did I suggest that there are “normal” people and “fat” people. Nor did I say that being fat is a behavior. What I said is that in many cases, being overweight can be impacted by natural daily behavior, whereas your height and eye color can’t be. I can’t imagine any reasonable person disagreeing with this … but I think there’s a desire to see me as prejudiced or stupid because I’m not a woman. I have to wonder why reverse sexism is acceptable … but that’s a different issue, I suppose.
“…But someone who is uncomfortable with his or her weight does probably have control over that, without major surgery…”
That’s right buddy. Thx 4 reminding me it’s time for a purge.
::barfs::
Some of us have a little too much control, if you get my drift. Gnome sane, Y-chromie?
He has a view good points…despite the fact that he’s a “man”
Hope:
Quoting me: What I said is that in many cases, being overweight can be impacted by natural daily behavior,
Anorexia and bulimia are not natural daily behavior. Those are behaviors indicative of emotional and psychological distress expressed through harmful and dangerous behavior.
Surely you can see the difference between healthy control and unhealthy obsessive control?
…”Surely you can see the difference between healthy control and unhealthy obsessive control?”
Yes. And I can also see that you have a need to be “right”. Worry all you want about your own health and speculate all you like as to why fat people don’t just get a grip and change their “everyday behaviors” in order to become as thin as you’d prefer they be.
We will have to agree to disagree. Now I say to you: good day.
I said good day!
*hahaha!* (^^ this is Fez from ‘That 70’s Show’ for the uninitiated)
So, next time someone tells you that you should be a certain weight or look this way, or makes a big deal about losing an X amount of weight, remind them that just being happy with who you are is the real accomplishment- not weight loss.
Feeling good about yourself IS the real accomplishment.
Pity that belief in self is in short supply.
If it isn’t body image, it’s who has more friends on Facebook or more money in the bank or the corner office or right clothes or…
I have been a personal trainer for over 19 years. For the past 10 years or so, most of my clients came to me wanting to lose weight / change their body shape.
Lately (last year/18 months??) more people are coming to me to improve their health / how their body moves / pain reduction through proper bod alignment
Maybe things are changing.
A little less surface and a little more depth.
Hope: capslock shouting, ridicule, and unnecessary obscenities aren’t rudeness? I must have misunderstood the meaning of courtesy.
The main point here is, if you love your body regardless of your weight you can stand out anytime 😉
Bravo. So true!
It’s so hard, but we all have to learn how to tune out comments that people make about our weight, unless those things are truly out of concern for our well-being. I am sorry that your mom was actually congratulating you on my weight loss.
On the other end of the scale, my mom is always telling me I need to eat more; I think she would prefer me to be a little plumper. But I feel healthier than I ever have in my life! To be honest, her comments about my body make me anxious too.
We have to listen to ourselves and our bodies no matter what.
Last fall, I was also going through a difficult time emotionally and lost a lot of weight. On one hand, I liked how skinny I had gotten because “skinny is in”. On the other hand, I could tell how tired and depressed I felt, and how detached I had become felt from the world. Deep down inside, I knew that I was actually sick and that I hadn’t achieved anything.
Thanks so much for writing this post. It really resonated with me. =)
Lindsay, I like your “silly” response and will probably lose it. Personally I HATE when someone comments that I’ve lost weight. First of all, I have been the same weight, within about 5 lbs, for about 30 years. So I always wonder, are they trying to butter me up or something? or maybe trying to insult me by suggesting I “needed” to lose weight? Secondly, I find it very intrusive for people I know on a very superficial level (e.g., coworkers who are not particularly friends, people at synagogue that I don’t know well, etc.). I personally NEVER comment on someone else’s weight, I mean, it’s none of my business. So, if anyone else has some great replies I’d love to see them.
Very awesome discussion, everybody; and I’m new to the site and enjoying it so far. I haven’t quite resolved myself yet on whether significant sustained weight loss is possible without sustained calorie obsession or unhealthy extremes.
If I could go to a salon and walk out with a thinner body like going for a set of acrylic nails, I’m sure I would have done it by now, and damn the maintenance. But there are so many intertwined social and personal stigma associated with the delayed-gratification process of losing weight, that it is definitely a horse of a different color.
I couldn’t resist pointing out a correction, though, to Hope505’s comment quoting Fez from That 70’s Show…
“Good day! I said good day!” is totally a quote from Gene Wilder in the original Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Apparently the writers of 70’s Show found it as memorable and funny as I do.
… wonder if anyone will read this comment because of how old the post is…
*heehee!* I do not remember gene wilder saying that, but I’m sure you’re right!
“…social and personal stigma associated with the delayed-gratification process of losing weight…”
What do you mean? People are usually rewarded, not stigmatized, for trying to diet and exercise and lose weight…
I commented on the recent entry and I just hope you never run out of rules. I think all women need to read this blog. Good luck and again, great blog!
Wow, davidrochester, I kind of hate to point it out because you seem like a fairly polite guy, but you are approaching Fat Hate Bingo here. Let’s review the cliches:
1) “that’s the plain and simple truth”: Well, case closed, then! I guess no argument or difference of opinion is possible!
2) “Even if we say that genuine metabolic malfunction accounts for 25% of the cases of obesity, which is, I think, an overestimation,”: a) you have no way of knowing this, and b) to my mind it’s not “metabolic malfunction” that causes some people to be larger, it’s mostly genetics. Some people are genetically predisposed to be fat, and now that we have abundant food and mostly don’t work backbreaking physical jobs, that predisposition is coming out. Being the size you are genetically inclined to be does not necessarily have negative health implications. I agree with you that if a person really has gotten very, very fat–above their setpoint range–entirely by virtue of eating inordinate amounts of processed, unhealthy foods, then that probably has health implications. But it’s much less clear-cut in the case of a person who eats normally but simply has a fat setpoint.
3) “whether it’s ignorance of proper diet, or lack of motivation to take better care of the body, or a symptom of an underlying emotional distress that causes obesity-encouraging behavior.” As to the first point, I’m sure it feels good to believe that everyone but you is simply too stupid to understand that they can’t shovel in Big Macs and remain thin, but trust me when I say you can’t come up in this society–especially as a woman–without knowing calorie counts, how much exercise you’re “supposed” to get, etc. etc. And I see just as many thin people in McDonald’s as fat people, incidentally. As to the third, read Rethinking Thin by Gina Kolata; emotional eating has not been found to be a major cause of obesity.
4) “I can’t imagine any reasonable person disagreeing with this … but I think there’s a desire to see me as prejudiced or stupid because I’m not a woman. I have to wonder why reverse sexism is acceptable … but that’s a different issue, I suppose.” Stupid silly women! So UNREASONABLE! They must just hate men! Look, whether or not you can imagine someone disagreeing with you, a lot of fat folks would take issue with the idea that weight loss is “natural” or reasonable for them. I have heard stories more times than I can count about women who couldn’t maintain a BMI-“normal” weight without eating less than 1000 calories a day, or developing an eating disorder, or exercising compulsively. Technically these women can become not-overweight (and there are also those who stay fat despite this kind of grueling regimen), but the measures required are unreasonable and unhealthy. Like you have no energy, you don’t eat enough calories to take in the nutrition you need, your hair falls out, etc. I know this can be hard to swallow. I happen to be a person whose weight is fairly mutable; I gain and lose pretty easily. But spend some time around here and you will gradually come to see that this is both true, and not just an isolated phenomenon.
5) “I doubt anyone here will consider my point fairly, for the simple reason that I’m a guy.” This again. Please shove this crap because it’s ridiculous and a dishonest way of participating in a debate.
6) “But here’s the thing … yes, a lot of men (I’m not one of them) want to be with a woman who is thin or fit, or whatever. A lot of women want to be with a man who is tall. Both sexes complain about this unreasonable standard.” To start with, let me say WHAT A SHOCKER that the guy who was simply concerned about people’s health to start with apparently also has a pretty strong need for a mate to be thin. I’m sure those things are totally unconnected, though.
Anyway, who here complained about “this unreasonable standard”? (Rejections of unreasonable societal beauty standards–and pointing out that they lead to excessive dieting, thin obsession, eating disorders, and the like–have nothing to do with individual preferences in a mate.) For some reason, this point always comes up when people show up to fat-bash. The old “I hate to break it to you, but men are naturally going to think you’re ugly! It’s just BIOLOGY!” when nobody in the room said a word about it being somehow “unfair” that many men don’t find us attractive. (Hey, in my case, my husband finds me plenty attractive, and that’s good enough for me. But even so, that is so not the point.)
Here’s a summary of what I see as most FA people’s view of this topic: First and foremost, “attractiveness” is not relevant to most political discussions of fat or of loving yourself regardless of weight. If you are considering bringing it up, ask yourself whether anyone else involved in the discussion has done so, and then ask yourself why you feel compelled to express outrage or condescencion about women daring to be unattractive to you even though it’s off-topic. I am more as a human being than the sum of how attractive I am to random men on the street, and if I’m mentally and physically healthy but you don’t want to have sex with me, vs. being tired, unhealthy, and obsessed but thin enough to be acceptable to you, I think I’ll still go with option A.
Second, people are attracted to different body types (and at this moment in history, men do indeed tend to prefer women who are thinner than me) and that’s OK; we’re not out to “force” anyone to find a particular body shape attractive. Again, I don’t remember women here complaining about how unfair it is that nobody will date them and how men should be forced to think fat women are cute.
Third, although this is again beside the point: I don’t want to sleep with someone who thinks I’m repulsive, so if you think fat is unattractive, I suggest you refrain from dating me.
Look, if I sound impatient it’s just because frankly, we (I’m not implicating the site owners here, just “we” as in the fat acceptance movement) have heard every one of your arguments a million times, and they just don’t gibe with the experience of all of the real-life living breathing fat people who post to sites like this. Have you read these two posts? They might be a good starting point to help you to understand why some people find comments like yours frustrating (and by the way, it’s not because you’re a man).
Sorry, the last part under point 4 was confusing. What I meant was, I gain and lose fairly easily, so at first I was skeptical that people really could remain fat even on a diet. But I have come to realize that it is not only possible, but quite common for exactly this to occur. Human metabolism is extremely complicated–two women of the same height, weight, and activity level might eat very different amounts of food. You just can’t tell by looking at someone what their entire lifestyle consists of.
Oh, and sorry for the triple-post, but I wanted to point out that my first comment is hung up in moderation, and also to say something I had forgotten, which is that I agree 100% with the post. I am so sick of weight loss being held up not just as an accomplishment, but as one of the greatest accomplishments any person can achieve. Screw that.