How to be a Good Cheeseburger Friend…

“Have you lost weight” can generally be taken one of two ways. 1) Wow…you’re looking really good! I can visibly tell that you have lost weight and I like it. Or 2) is everything ok? Are you eating properly? Are you making sure not to over-exercise or obsess over your weight?

Back in my pre-cheeseburger days, I used to love when people asked me this question. It meant that I had accomplished my goal of looking thinner. I had lost weight. I had won the battle over fatness. I was thin! But now, I know that when my friends ask me this question, they are asking out of concern. They are keeping me on my toes and making sure that I’m not reverting back to my old ways of crazy dietary restrictions and countless hours at the gym.

I’m not saying that everyone who loses a few pounds is secretly trying to starve themselves down to a size 2. Or that thinness is some kind of indication of a bad body image. In fact, from my experience, weight fluctuations are quite common. But I am saying that I think in our society, that question has become a type of compliment. To ask someone “Have you lost weight” in an optimistic tone is to congratulate them on the fact that it’s noticeable. They are meeting their goal! Keep it up!

Now what happens when people ask the opposite question: “Have you gained weight?” Well first off, most people who have any social scruples wouldn’t ask such a question; mostly because that question is considered insulting, absurd and totally out of line. Why would anybody put you through such humiliation?! I think it’s interesting that the question “Have you lost weight?” can be the ultimate compliment in our society while “Have you gained weight?” is a complete social taboo (not that that stops people from asking it).

As much as we believe here at EAC that weight is not a public issue, I do believe that there are situations where we can discuss it in private settings without offense. I mean, body image is such a huge part of our world as women, so we have to be able to talk about it with each other. For me, when my best friend asks me if I’ve lost weight, because she knows my checkered past with disordered eating, I see it as her way of showing her concern for me. She wants to make sure that I’m ok and that I have not gone down the “bad road” again.

Of course I acknowledge that this doesn’t hold true for everyone. And some people would rather their friends not ask them this question at all which I completely respect. Perhaps instead of asking each other “Have you lost weight?” we should ask each other on a frequent basis, “How is your body image?” “How are you doing with accepting yourself as you are and loving yourself?”

I think being a good cheeseburger friend means unlearning what we have always accepted as true from media and our society in general when it comes to weight and body image. Being a good cheeseburger friend means learning to stop asking the question “Have you lost weight?” as some kind of disguised compliment.

So I pose this question to you: do you have good cheeseburger friends in your life? To me, a good cheeseburger friend is one who doesn’t let me talk bad about my body. It’s someone who challenges my thoughts and helps me question what the media feeds me about my body. It’s someone I can always go grab a cheeseburger with:-)

Weight Loss Facebook Status Updates

The other day I was on Facebook and noticed in my news feed that one of my FB friends announced their plans to diet over the next several weeks. Facebook status updates annoy me in general (if their not lame, or lacking in wit, they are usually way too long and involve way too much information), but this status update in particular really got under my skin.

First of all, I understand it’s a free country and all that, but is Facebook really the place to announce your new diet to the world? If you do choose to diet (and it’s certainly your prerogative to do so although we here at EAC don’t promote dieting), do you need to make sure that each person in your life knows about it? I suppose it’s justified by the old diet advice that goes something like “the more people know about it, the more likely you are to stick to it.”

Secondly, (and this piggybacks off of my first point), weight is not a public issue! We just can’t say that enough here at EAC. Your choice to diet or not diet, is your personal business and one in which, the hundreds of people you know on Facebook really didn’t need to know about. Contrary to popular belief, I do not see Facebook as the appropriate forum to announce personal life choices.

Lastly, I think it leads to unnecessary comparisons. It may lead one to believe, “Well if Sally is going on a diet, and she is a size 4, perhaps I, a size 8, should consider dieting too! I’m like a whale compared to her!” Now although I certainly believe that we should all be secure enough to not compare ourselves like that, realistically, we do compare ourselves like that! So why give people the opportunity to do so by plastering your diet/weight loss/gain news all over Facebook like that?

So please people, realize that Facebook is really not the place to post your personal weight loss goals online for the world to see. Weight is a private issue, and in case you hadn’t noticed, Facebook is a public forum.

Weight Gain/Loss Cliches

In the last post, we discussed the use of the word “whopping” in celebrity tabloid magazines as it pertains to celebrities gaining weight. After reading about Kirstie Alley’s recent weight gain, I noticed quite a few more. Do you ever pay attention to the redundant phrasing these people use? Here are a few examples:

“going from flab to fab”
“packing the pounds back “
“drop the weight “

Besides the endless clichés I’ve noticed in these type of articles, I think what bothers me the most about the entire Kirstie Alley weight gain saga, is the fact that she feels that she somehow “let everyone down”. Like her weight gain is somehow a justifiably public issue that should be thrown about the tabloids like she is the latest Swine Flu victim.

As many of you remember, we were quite annoyed back in January when Oprah made her big confession regarding her weight gain. Although Oprah made a big public spectacle about the changes in her body, she at least made her weight gain personal and didn’t take on some large social responsibility.

For Kirstie Alley to somehow feel that just because she was Jenny Craig’s spokeswoman for the three years, means that she should feel responsible for being some kind of large disappointment to millions of women everywhere is ludicrous. After all, weight should not be a public issue!

Whopping Weight Gain

Before getting into the “meat” of this post, I just wanted to apologize to all of our faithful fans for our long absence. We have both been so crazy busy but please rest assured that we still love cheeseburgers and still adhere to our cheeseburger rules!

On that note…

Have you ever noticed when reading magazine/tabloid articles about celebrity weight gain that they like to use the word “whopping?” Take this article for instance:

“In 2004, Milla Jovovich topped Forbes Magazine’s “Richest Supermodels of the World” list, but after putting on a whopping 70lbs while pregnant with her first child (she gave birth to a girl in November 2007) the stunner has had to sweat it out big-time to save her strutting career.”
What do they mean by whopping? Webster’s dictionary defines whopping as “something exceptionally or extremely large” and is often used as an intensive. So the language in articles like this one lead us to believe that Jovovich’s pregnancy weight gain was incredibly unusual and a really big deal. I’m not sure what a “normal” weight gain for pregnancy is (if there is such a thing) but after reading this article I would assume that 70lbs is simply unacceptable.

The article continues as Jovovich describes what she did to lose the weight:
“Diet and lots of exercise, I worked my big, little butt off,” Jovovich told Tarts at the recent Montblanc Signature for Good Gala at Hollywood’s Paramount Studios. “It’s been a lot of work and I’ve been working with Harley Pasternak and his 5-Factor program, they actually have diet food sent to my house. At one point I just ate oatmeal, salmon and artichokes everyday for a week. It was definitely a lot easier putting it on!”
I really can’t imagine what it would be like if I had to lose weight in order to keep my job. But I guess that’s what its like for an international supermodel (and celebrities in general). A huge part of post-partum recovery for these people is an intricate plan of how to lose the post-baby weight in as short amount of time as humanly possibly. I use the word human to refer to the title of this article “MILLA JOVOVICH BECAME A ‘CRAZY ALIEN’ TO LOSE 70LBS.” I think there is truth in this statement in that women who work to lose this much weight in a short period of time really have to alienate themselves in order to lose it. It becomes like a full-time job (and in Jovovich’s case, it really is part of her job).
When asked if she will be having any more children any time soon, Jovovich answers:
“I do want another baby but not for a little bit,” Jovovich said. “I’ve only just lost all the weight so I want to enjoy my old body for a while before I have to become a crazy alien again.”

Wow! Such a simple sentence can say so much.

I’m not saying that the pressure to get back to your pre-baby body isn’t real in our society today. I’m sure after I have a baby one day, I myself will struggle with the pull to try and manipulate my body back to it’s “normal” self. But to imply that doing so means isolating myself from people and being miserable for a period of time due to lack of food and crazy exercise, well, that just seems a bit extreme.

Your Man Doesn’t Want to Hear it Either.

A few weeks ago this article caught my attention, Dating 101: Four Things Never to Utter Around Him and I thought #3 was fascinating of course.

Turnoff #3: Your Bad Body Image and Food Issues
“First it was the grapefruit diet. Then it was Jenny Craig. Now it’s the Fatkins thing. My girlfriend tries a new diet about once a month, and she explains how she’s convinced that this is the one that’s going to help her lose weight. I always remind her that the reason I asked her out in the first place is because I think she’s beautiful. I wouldn’t be attracted to her if she looked like a string bean.” — Derek, 29

Now, I’m not one to put a lot of stock into internet dating tips but I thought this one had a point. Assuming that you are in a caring relationship, your man is with you because he thinks you are beautiful and wonderful the way you are. And more than that, he’s probably not too interested in hearing you trash the love of his life. So, do yourself and your relationship a favor and start caring about and loving yourself the way your loved ones do. Here’s a healthy alternative: look at yourself in the mirror and try to see yourself the way that those who love you do. Make a list of what makes you beautiful. As simple as it sounds, this is not an easy thing to do. Believe me, I know. However, once you start seeing yourself the way those who love you do, a whole new world of freedom begins to open up.

Bulging Brides

A while back, one of our readers mentioned that there was a new Canadian reality show called Bulging Brides. You can just imagine what this show is about. (Think Biggest Loser meets Say Yes to the Dress.) The synopsis reads:

Here comes the bride, all dressed and…wide? After months of stressful planning and bank-breaking expenses, the real test of a bride’s nerves is the stroll down the aisle in her wedding dress. She knows that all eyes are trained on her, examining every inch of her body in that revealing, ultra-fem gown. No woman wants to be a bulging bride! The bride has her wedding dress, but it doesn’t fit. Racked by tension from the bridal arrangements and petrified by the thought of looking chunky on her big day, the bride-to-be has turned to the Dream Team as a last resort to lose her flab and look breathtaking in her gown.

Our last post that dealt with the pressure brides feel to be super thin on their wedding day generated a lot of great feedback and revealed how real this pressure really is. But I think this Show takes it to a whole new level. The title of the show alone is ridiculous and infers that somehow being “bulging” on your wedding day is a horrible fate that no bride would ever want. I looked up the definition of bulging and here is what I found:

Synonyms: bulge, balloon, belly, jut, overhang, project, protrude
These verbs mean to curve, spread, or extend outward past the normal or usual limit

So the show is basically taking women who are seen as extending “past the normal or usual limit” and trying to make them thinner so they will be the “most beautiful” they can be. The whole concept of this show makes the assumption that thin=beautiful and bulding=ugly.

And then to say that brides are “petrified by the thought of looking chunky on their big day” is just a little too much. I’m not saying that the pressure to look thin on your wedding day is not real. But to capitalize on women’s insecurities by making a reality show out of the pressure brides feel to be thin is just not right.

I really do hate that our society is so obsessed with weight and weight-loss to the point that we will tune in every week to see a person’s deepest insecurities exploited on national television as trainers and nutritionists belittle them in order to “help” them lose as much as they can.

Why do we watch it? What keeps us coming back for more of this garbage television? I think part of it is that we are fascinated with self-improvement, and weight loss is the ultimate form of self-improvement. I think we find a sense of satisfaction when we see another person losing exorbitant amounts of weight right before our eyes. It’s a form of vicarious life (as all television is).

But in real life, we must learn to accept our bodies and love them for what they are. And in real life, we must accept the fact that we are not meant to look like the bride on the cover of a bridal fashion magazine; we are supposed to look like the woman that the person we are marrying fell in love with.

Tori Gets the 90210 Bug

As we mentioned back in September, the new 90210 cast is a stark contrast from the original cast. But, as this photo suggests, the new generation is not the only one who’s caught the thin bug, and it seems that the older cast may feel the sting as well. Tori Spelling tells USmagazine:

“They scrutinize you so much,” the actress told Usmagazine.com. “You try to be the person who says, ‘Oh, I don’t care,’ but I feel the pressure.”

Although Tori has struggled with the weight issue since the days when the show first aired, we had hoped that things would change now that she had become a new mother. As you know, no one in Hollywood is safe from the expectation of thin aspiration. Though this should be the time that she embraces the new figure that comes with motherhood, it seems as though the media has gotten the best of her.

As many can attest to, most moms feel the pressure to slim down and shed the “excess baby weight”. Yet we at EAC want to ask you: WHAT FOR? Why do you have to slim down? You may say, “But my spouse won’t love me if I gain weight!” If you’re worried about a man not loving you after the baby, then weight is really not the issue at hand, but rather that you fell for the wrong guy. The right guy will love you no matter what.  Believe that. Or at least believe that that’s what you deserve and no less. And if the people who love you still love you just the way you are, then, once again, weight is not the issue, but rather why you don’t love yourself. And you above anyone else must love yourself before you can even begin to think of loving anyone else, especially a new baby! I hope that one day, if I am fortunate enough to be a mother, that I will have enough love for my children and not scrounge around with the scraps that I gave myself.

Wait a Minute…Only 7 Minutes to Heaven?

I came a across a recent article in which British researchers claim we only need 7 minutes of exercise a week to maintain a healthy lifestyle. What? Wait a minute! Am I the only one who feels I have been lied to? Remember those doctors who always said at least 30 minutes a day? Well, so do I. Now, science changes as much as trends do, so I’m not taking this new research as fact, but I do find it interesting and rather startling that the number is so low compared to what we hear about all the time.

We are no strangers to celebrity work outs which often include strict diets and hours of exercise on a daily basis (in fact I know several friends on this regimen). The point is that we are too easily convinced that we have to overwork and over-think our way into healthy, happy and ultimately thinner versions of ourselves. Now, if you are reading this blog, we hope that your goal is to live a happy and healthy life at any size. We have already stated countless times that the equation, healthy = skinny is not reliable, since health comes in all sizes. We also hope that you won’t spend most of your thoughts trying to figure out how to get skinny.  Trust us when we say that these thoughts will neither make you happy nor healthy. And if you can achieve heavenly bliss in which your mind and body are content in only as little as 7 minutes why not opt for that instead of the overdone and overworked alternative?

Here are ten fun and healthy activities you can do that have nothing to do with overexercising and have everything to do with you enjoying your life.

1. Take a walk with a friend and have a deep meaningful talk.

2. Stretch for a minute every night before you sleep (helps me release tension from my day).

3. Do yoga with your kids or younger siblings.

4. Play catch with your dog.

5. Play volleyball, tennis, basketball or any other social games you can think of.

6. Go dancing with friends.

7. Go for a bike ride along the coast.

8. Learn how to double dutch (this will take more than 7 minutes if you are a complete klutz like me though).

9. Go ice-skating.

10. Go swimming and play Marco Polo.

I’m not one for the “10 tips to a healthier you” type articles, but I list these to show that you really don’t even have to think, let alone, obsess about being healthy. Life was made to be lived to the fullest, and my guess is that if you start enjoying your life with the people you love, you will be on your way to a healthy and happier you.

Drew’s Tongue Piercing Diet

We all know that women are willing to do just about anything to lose weight. I’ve heard of some pretty funky things in my day but this one is definitely on the top of my list: the tongue piercing diet. Want to lose a little extra weight? Get your tongue pierced! It will swell and hurt to the point of not being able to eat or drink for several weeks! Drew Barrymore recently got her tongue pierced which resulted in serious swelling, to which she said:

“I couldn’t eat, couldn’t drink for two weeks – great diet in a weird way.”

Maybe I’m being nit-picky here. I’m sure she probably meant the comment in a joking manner. But I think her comment does reveal a mentality that so many women in our society have: pain and physical misery is worth it, if it means you can lose a little (or a lot ) of weight.

The blog Every Woman Has An Eating Disorder had a survey a while back asking the question: “Would you sign up for the stomach bug?” 133 respondents (out of 369) basically said that they would if it meant that they could lose a little weight.

It reminds me of this time when I was at a client’s office. The CEO had recently suffered from a terrible flu for which he was hospitalized. He was telling one of his business partners about the experience and how he dropped ten pounds during his period of sickness. The woman responded “Oh Wow, that’s nice! I wish that would happen to me,” To which he responded, “I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy!” (Mind you this woman is middle-aged and probably no bigger than a size 4).

All of this just goes to show how twisted our mentality is about weight, even if it’s only just a few pounds. Thinner is always better; no matter the cost to get there. As harmless as Drew’s comment may seem to some people, I find it extremely problematic because it actually reflects the way many women in the world think about their bodies and their desire to lose weight.

I say forget about the tongue piercing diet (and all other diets for that matter) and let’s strive to live happy and healthy lives, free of the incessant desire to drop pounds, even if it means illness.

Cheeseburger Shout Out: OMG! Jessica Simpson Gained Five Pounds!!!

Jessica Simpson’s body has been the media’s sweetheart for a while. But apparently the honeymoon is over because Jessica Simpson has put on a little weight and she is, of course, being scrutinized to death for it.

“Yesterday, when I saw the pictures in the newspaper and they made some crack about her looking like she’s playing for the Dallas Cowboys as a linebacker, like her boyfriend (Tony Romo), who is the quarterback, I was so mad,” Rodriguez said. “Why do they have to pick on her?”

It’s so ridiculous that we rake women through the coals for gaining weight. We make cruel jokes about it. We show an endless number of before and after pictures to show the weight (pun intended) of the person’s crime. I found this comment to be especially ridiculous:

Today, the songstress looks like she’s having a little trouble strutting around on stage at the Radio 99.9 Kiss Country’s annual Chili Cookoff this last weekend. Dressed in a tight low-cut black top, high-waisted rib coverin’ mom jeans, and not one but two tummy-tuckin’ leopard print belts, the former toast of Hazzard County hardly looked comfy in her new curves.

Really?! So what, she’s not a size 2 anymore! So, she doesn’t look like an anorexic teenager! Does that mean she now has a hard time getting around the stage? Is that implying that people who gain weight (or are, “God-forbid,” fat) have a hard time moving around a stage for a concert?!

I think Jessica’s sister Ashlee put it quite well:

“I am completely disgusted by the headlines concerning my sister’s weight,” Simpson wrote Tuesday on her website. “A week after the inauguration and with such a feeling of hope in the air for our country, I find it completely embarrassing and belittling to all women to read about a woman’s weight or figure as a headline on Fox News.”

Ashlee Simpson goes on to say:

How can we expect teenage girls to love and respect themselves in an environment where we criticize a size 2 figure? Now, we can focus on the things that really matter.”

I would add that we can’t expect women of any age to respect themselves when we criticize ANY figure, not just a Size 2. If we truly believe that women come in all shapes and sizes (as people always say they do in situations like this), then no woman, no matter what size she is, should be criticized for what she looks like.

Jessica’s weight gain is yet another indicator that the world we live in is a cruel and merciless one that doesn’t allow for women to be who they are without critique. No doubt these criticisms will probably spiral the poor girl into a state of starvation mixed with an incessant workout schedule that will result in a tiny waistline once again. And at the end of the day, that’s what people want to see. They don’t want a “curvier” Jessica, they want to see a woman with a girl’s body! They want to know that perfection is possible and they want to see its possibilities lived out in their celebrities.

(Please note that the title of this post is just meant to be a funny exaggeration. I don’t have the slightest idea, nor do I care, about how much weight Jessica Simpson gained).